buried deep

I have so much debt!! My credit card bills are way more that I can manage.
Worst of all.... those are not mine.
It is so hard to live on a budget specially if you feel that you do not deserve it.
You see, on my case, I pay for a lot of things that I should not be paying. And the people that do this to me is not even grateful. I am so mad right now.
This is my situation:
1. I am already deep in debt with credit card for about two years now. I really do my best to be able to minimize the my spending by not buying anything expensive. Even office clothes and shoes are on a budget.
2. My supplementary are my family. I gave them the cards when I went to a trip abroad to make sure that they have money. Ever since that day, I regret everything now. They spend and spend, thinking I have money.
3. One of my supplementary gave me a check for an advance that is needed. And told me that the surplus amount on the check is to be paid on existing cc bill. But the thing is, it has already been spent!!!! and now it is going beyond the credit card limit.
4. I know that I should just call the bank and have the cards cut but the thing is, I cannot do that. If by chance those cards are used and it was declined, it will be my ass on the line.

I hate my life now... and yet I have to be the happy camper. You know why because a family member very important told me not to share my problem with them. "I will only add hurt" to what they are feeling. fuck my life!

To add fuel to the fire, I cannot get out of the house and live independently because I don't have savings to that. And why do I not have any savings, because it is used to pay for their wants!

I see dead people

Hello there 2011... its been a while
I have this procrastination love affair with this blog. It actually got me thinking in creating a new one but what the heck, let me continue (or better yet, start a new one) with this one.

Its a new year but I am still left with the same resolution - lose weight!

Oh yes! and now I am more than ever read to take in that role, one step at a time. I have learned to know who are the people that matter to me and how to deal with those that do not. Hence, the title for this post - I see dead people. To me those persons who put me down are already dead. Even my old self is already dead.

I hope to recover and start brand new. (I'm just hoping that those dead people I see do not come walking up to me and bringing me with them)

Fighting the number!

I have managed to go to the weighing scale and find my weight. Currently, I am at 330lbs. Yes I am that obese, and I am targeting to loose 100 - 150 pounds in 365 days. Dreamer much? I know, but lets take things one step at a time. I am here to shoot for the stars!

I plan to not eat rice for dinner (and as much as possible lunch too, depends on where we eat). Lessen drinks that are colored and has taste and are cold, which means I get to drink only room temp water as much as possible.

I also plan to bike (in a stationary bike of course) at least 30mins every morning.

These are the initials plans that I have, but first I have yet to start this and stay on a regimen for the first 21 days. Yes, I read somewhere that all it takes is 21 days to get into something.
So, I am hoping against hope that I will get through this.

AJA!

surprise, surprise

Hello!
I am back! Yes, I know, this might be just one of those things that you are good at during the start but then laziness and things to do kicks in; and time for writing just becomes the least priority.

So baby steps... Here are the things that I would want to share with in my journey of life.
1. My battle against losing weight and being healthy. As I have written sparingly, I am diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD or PCOS). And it has been my weight that can help me live or even simulate a normal life. I know that because of this disease that I have, I will never live a normal life that women are suppose to. (More sad and depressing stories coming your way regarding this. Just my angst and insecurities, hahaha)

2. My battle against credit card debt. I don't know what happened to me but I managed to acquire this huge debt on my credit cards. I don't blame anyone on this. I know that I swiped my way through this debt and I am as ever determined to win this battle. You'll be surprised as to how much money I owe the banks!

3. I have this illusion of being able to write well. So this may be a testament or something that can be used against me when discussing about my ability to write. I would just like to create profound statements or those quotable quotes that I can use later on life. If I remember correctly, there was some posts long long ago about quotes that I used to like. This would also mean that I would write about my life, my family and friends, my travel - my journey. This gives me the space to vent out whatever comments or opinions I have about anything under the sun.

So good luck to me once again!