buried deep

I have so much debt!! My credit card bills are way more that I can manage.
Worst of all.... those are not mine.
It is so hard to live on a budget specially if you feel that you do not deserve it.
You see, on my case, I pay for a lot of things that I should not be paying. And the people that do this to me is not even grateful. I am so mad right now.
This is my situation:
1. I am already deep in debt with credit card for about two years now. I really do my best to be able to minimize the my spending by not buying anything expensive. Even office clothes and shoes are on a budget.
2. My supplementary are my family. I gave them the cards when I went to a trip abroad to make sure that they have money. Ever since that day, I regret everything now. They spend and spend, thinking I have money.
3. One of my supplementary gave me a check for an advance that is needed. And told me that the surplus amount on the check is to be paid on existing cc bill. But the thing is, it has already been spent!!!! and now it is going beyond the credit card limit.
4. I know that I should just call the bank and have the cards cut but the thing is, I cannot do that. If by chance those cards are used and it was declined, it will be my ass on the line.

I hate my life now... and yet I have to be the happy camper. You know why because a family member very important told me not to share my problem with them. "I will only add hurt" to what they are feeling. fuck my life!

To add fuel to the fire, I cannot get out of the house and live independently because I don't have savings to that. And why do I not have any savings, because it is used to pay for their wants!

I see dead people

Hello there 2011... its been a while
I have this procrastination love affair with this blog. It actually got me thinking in creating a new one but what the heck, let me continue (or better yet, start a new one) with this one.

Its a new year but I am still left with the same resolution - lose weight!

Oh yes! and now I am more than ever read to take in that role, one step at a time. I have learned to know who are the people that matter to me and how to deal with those that do not. Hence, the title for this post - I see dead people. To me those persons who put me down are already dead. Even my old self is already dead.

I hope to recover and start brand new. (I'm just hoping that those dead people I see do not come walking up to me and bringing me with them)